Things haven’t been easy this week. After taking a day to lick my wounds and feel down in the dumps, I feel like I’m going to be able to manage this in a productive way. I’m not saying that I’m 100% but I’m not going to give up and stop doing the things that I enjoy doing. That simply means accepting defeat and I’m not ready to do that. I think that I need to find a good way to express my emotions. I have a tendency of going from really happy to meh to absolute shit in a matter of hours. If I gain control of that, I think I’ll be able to make some improvements. While things are in a grey-area right now, I’ll do a lot of growing up instead of standing in the same spot that I have been in for the past few years.
I’d like to mention someone in this entry. I’m not going to state them by name because they know who they are. They said something to me and that is “If I was important enough, it wouldn’t be so easy to throw me away.” I will improve on this for the simple fact that this person is very important to me. This same person is also the main person to suffer the consequences of my actions. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. It’s not fair to let the backlash of everything negative that happens to me fall back on you. I’m not sure how or when I’ll make up for the constant pain but I hope it’ll be soon. With the new roleplay element, I hope that it’ll help to fix some of the bruises that I have caused. We have a twisted relationship; there is no denying that I’m making a vow to stop that now. I can’t do it over night but I hope that you are okay with me putting forth a better effort. Words are pretty so I’ll let my actions do the talking. I just hope that we are willing to keep our arrangement going with staying connected every day. I really enjoy it. Trust is important and I need to realize that I need to establish trust with you and not apologize every night after we talk. If you take issue with anything that I say or do, I need to just trust you to say something about it the next day. Same with the roleplay, instead of being a punk, I need to just post and trust for you to tell me if it was off in any way. Thanks for always being there throughout it all.